The Whore of Florida
(Note the irony of the approriate name placement)
Avid Bush family lackey as well as an eager and willing accomplice in their theft of the 2000 presidential election Katherine Harris is as persistent as she is egomaniacal. She sees her current vanity run for a U.S. Senate seat as the ultimate payback for her complicity in the mockery of democracy that essentially amounted to a bloodless coup that restored the Bush family to the pinnacle of American power. Dubya, Karl and Jeb had already rewarded her with an extremely safe U.S. House seat in an affluent, lily-white Florida suncoast district which she would be able to hold onto for years but it just wasn’t enough for Hurricane Katherine, an ambitious bitch who has always had her heart set on bigger and better things.
To a woman who not only played a huge part in the greatest incident of electoral fraud in American history but who also personally carried the torch (as well as Florida strawberries and oranges) for George W. Bush, freezing her ass off in the run up to the New Hampshire primary and then being anointed as his Florida campaign co-chair a serious conflict of interest for a sitting Secretary of State whose oversight of elections is not supposed to be tainted by raw partisan politics. A much larger payback would be necessary in order to slake her insatiable thirst for power and glory. I am not going to go into the illicit activities of Harris during the 2000 election due to both it’s convoluted nature as well as a lack of space but strongly recommend John Nichols’ great little book Jews For Buchanan which documents the theft of the 2000 election and is as amusing as it is informative as well as the work of expatriate Greg Palast whose The Best Democracy Money Can Buy as well as his outstanding reports for the London Guardian are far superior to any of the bullshit coated mind rot that passes for investigative journalism in corporatist America.
Although the fact that Harris’ name recognition alone causes much nausea and revulsion over her association with the illegitimate ascension of King George and as a result has her consistently being outpolled by the incumbent who is a spineless jellyfish of a DLC moderate waffler named Bill Nelson, the American Jezebel just keeps relentlessly pushing onward. Harris' delusions of grandeur have caused much distress onboard the GOP Death Star and dark Sith lord Karl Rove and his minions have repeatedly tried to get her to take one for the team and yield the fight so as to install a less polarizing figure but Katrina refuses just like a disloyal dog biting the hand that has fed it for so long. Rove must be pulling out whatever few patches of hair remain on his pudgy, balding little head because no matter how badly that he wants Harris to give up the ghost to another, quite possibly royal brotherJeb Bush himself, so he can’t get too rough in handling her because after all, she knows where too many bodies are buried.
Harris is a huge liability to the GOP dream of iron fisted total rule in that she is the worst figure possible to run in a midterm election that typically elicits mass apathy and fears that she will torpedo the whole ticket are entirely justified. She is so loathed that her very presence on the ballot serves as a mobilizing factor that will juice turnout to counter the inevitable march of the anti-gay evangelical army who will be lured to the voting booths like starving rats to cheese by the presence of bigoted constitutional amendments banning gay marriage, gay adoption or any other incarnation of the red state tripe that sends them goose stepping en masse to wage their vendetta against the perceived evils of liberalism and the concept of an inclusive secular society. Katherine Harris is a turd in the punchbowl that could potentially spoil the victory celebrations and Rove knows it.
Despite getting smacked around by the media like a big ugly pinata over a plethora of reports that increasingly call into question her ethics (she has none) and connections to shady double dealers and dirty money influence pimps involving the disgraced and recently convicted former GOP Representative Randy 'Duke' Cunningham, aides quitting like rats jumping off a sinking ship and getting advice from longtime GOP strategist Ed Rollins to get out of the race Harris calls the engine room and issues orders that all boilers be fired up as the good ship Katrina steamed full ahead and directly towards the iceberg of a looming disaster. With her campaign circling the drain and plagued with scandal and rumors a "major announcement" was promised which of course was presumed by most to be her formal dropping out of the race, the ugly one executed a perfect flanking maneuver on critics and used an exclusive FOX appearance on Fister and Feckless aka Hannity and Colmes to combatively declare that"I'm staying. I'm in this race. I'm going to win... I'm going to put everything on the line."
It was Harris' MacArthur moment, she had returned! It was on the same asinine opinion show that Cruella became an object of much scorn for the camera angles that prominently displayed her breasts (twin miracles of medical science?) which are a nice enough set of gobdobblers to draw attention away from her face. The Daily Show's Jason Jones provided a great comment in saying that "Harris is clearly banking her senate campaign on two things - her spectacular breasts." She is also reportedly set to pump up to ten million dollars of her own money into her campaign that is rapidly descending into the abyss of the most vile although successful of all Republican tactics by harnassing the power of the dark side of the Christianity force that is the rabid evangelical fundamentalist movement but more on that later. Florida Governor and likely Katrina replacement Jeb Bush played coy when asked about the Harris appearance on Dumb & Dumber saying that he didn't have it on and was watching the Doris Day-Rock Hudson flick Pillow Talk (how appropriate) which he referred to as a "fantastic movie, great movie, a classic" instead of the exclusive FOX appearance by his consort and co-conspirator.
Despite her crying the poormouth about investing her own money in pursuit of the coveted Senate seat, Harris' financial splurge will barely put any sort of noticeable dent in her overall wealth, she is an heiress and her hubby is also rich. Harris is a textbook example of white trash that is born into money, the granddaughter of legendary cattle and citrus barron Ben Hill Griffin a man so hallowed by the crackers who are longtime Floridians that he has had the ultimate honor bestowed upon him, the University of Florida Gators football stadium is named after him although more widely known by it's nickname the swamp by sports fans and pundits. Harris much like the Bush brothers was a big time winner in the game of life lottery by being born into affluence but money can't buy class and that is something that Harris will never own, Jed Clampett may have been able to strike black gold and pack up the clan to move to Beverly Hills but they were never able to divest themselves of their innate peckerwood traits and neither can Harris. She has a long history of sleazy behavior including parlaying her influence into the graft that allowed her to launch her political career and fund the dirty tactics that essentially make her a Karl Rove in drag to her excessive foreign excursions on the taxpayer dole to ostensibly promote Florida tourism. Harris is a ruthless, conniving Machiavellian power bitch who at times makes even Hillary Clinton look like an amateur.
Pride goeth before a fall as the proverb goes and Harris is inevitably doomed to face some serious backlash come November barring of course an electronic voting machine induced miracle; but then Florida, the ass backwards swamp of corruption is the place for election day miracles as if anything else could ever be expected from a state that has become the very embodiment of the American nightmare and is as well deserving as is geographically located to be affixed with the label of the diseased penis of America. It is in Florida that O.J. Simpson himself has sought refuge from his loss in the civil suit over the killing of the unfortunate waiter Ron Goldman and his estranged coke slut wife Nicole and The Juice is now spending much of his time combing the golf courses of the southern portion of the Sunshine State in his avowed search for the ‘real killers’. It is in Florida that the system has been so rigged by Harris and her slimy GOP accomplices and corporate stooges in the state legislature that insurance lobbyists are allowed to write the laws screwing homeowners to the extent that many are forced to sell due to massive increases in the costs of coverage because of the affront to free market capitalism that would result by having these state sanctioned thieves actually have to pay out money (therefore diminishing the golden calf of shareholder profits) to consumers who have been gouged for years and legally compelled to purchase their snake oil. Yes, Harris is a perfect fit in Florida and my personal favorite career moment of hers was the day in 2004 when a disgruntled voter named Barry Seltzer, who is horror of horrors a registered Democrat took a run at her with his silver Cadillac during a campaign appearance and putting the real fear of God into her. He later told police that "I was exercising my political expression." I wonder if Barry is out of jail yet, I am sure that many others with a similar 'political expression' would absolutely love to buy him a beer including the author of this blog.
It is in Florida that so called ‘religious’ bigots as well as the normal racist contingent will have every incentive to goosestep to the polls come November with the inclusion of an anti- gay marriage amendment on the ballot at the expense of a fairness in redistricting initiative that not surprisingly was scuttled by the ruling Republican majority, a group who proudly live down to the standards of their famous role model who is MSNBC right wing pundit Joe Scarborough, the former congressman in whose office was found the dead body of an intern but who is fully deserving of conservative accolades for have never being caught on record of denying receiving a blowjob from one. Florida, the personal fiefdom of the next in the line of secession for America's royal dynasty Jeb Bush has become the biggest freak show in the country providing the media distraction machine with not only the Terri Schiavo epic but also with more than enough scandal, smut, child killers, pederasts and corrupt politicians that such tawdry swill should be the state's top export commodity. Harris fits Florida perfectly in that she is first and foremost a freak with a tendency for wearing more pancake makeup than Michael Jackson and an unstable paranoiac badly in need of therapy for accusing the evil liberal media of doctoring photos that manage to expose her garish, Gouda cheese complected visage in all of its hideous, needle-nosed repulsiveness. Harris’ makeup is so bad at times that she often resembles the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz in the two seconds immediately following the bucket of water being thrown on her as her face slowly turns to tallow before melting completely into a steaming pool of ugly goo.
Now as the negative publicity and problems mount Harris has turned to that old time religion by casting her lot with the same ignorant peckerwood evangelical fanatics who only a year ago turned the Schiavo family tragedy into their own personal circus of slime only about a hundred miles to the north of Sarasota where Harris resides and in an interesting tidbit of trivia is also the same sleepy west-central Florida city where Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman was caught masturbating in an adult theatre some years back which pretty much immediately ended his career. Harris has been a whirling dervish of devotionals and biblical dissemination in the last week as more of her staff prepares to make their exodus from the Sodom and Gommorah of her campaign, some reportedly are derisively referring to her pandering to the most loathsome elements of society who pimp their pagan idolatry masquerading as Christianity as leading a ‘Christian Crusade’ as they likely begin to network and circulate their resumes seeking to bolt for more promising long term prospects much like fleas leaping from the mangy fur of a diseased dog. The big problem with deathbed conversions is that while it is easy to fool the simple minded yahoos God himself being omnipotent always instantly recognizes bullshit when he sees it.
How many elections did Jesus help steal?
While making a campaign appearance in front of the sweaty, for the most part functionally illiterate fundie masses at a two day theocratic regressive pep rally called Reclaiming America for Christ at the notoriously Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale ( where the fanatical D. James Kennedy regularly holds his black masses of bigotry and intolerance that preach for the over throw of the United States government) Harris proclaimed that in addition to GOD himself that her greatest influences were the movies The Last of The Mohicans and the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Then in full Elmer Gantry mode she worked the crowd with the bread and butter hooey and hokum that has so served the Bush administration that God wanted her to be in public service to the thunderous cheers of the sodbusting, rapture bound clodhoppers who had gathered for the gala appearance of yet another of the chosen ones of the Tribulation Force. The movie references were amusing but there are some far more appropriate flicks that more accurately resemble the Harris character that has essentially become a gross parody of herself although she does in fact bear at least a passing resemblance to one of the Orks from second Lord of the Rings episode: The Two Towers.
1: Fatal Attraction-Glenn Close's fierce portrayal of the crazed jilted lover who stalks and terrorizes Michael Douglas and his family after an affair gone badly awry proving that indeed Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..boiled any rabbits lately Katie?
2: Body Heat-Although calculating and relentlessly determined, Kathleen Turner had a much nicer set of knockers and a face that didn’t make doing it doggie style a necessity for a satisfying sexual experience.
3: The Last Seduction-Linda Fiorentino's Wendy Kroy is a ruthless, cold blooded femme fatale for the ages determined to manipulate, kill, fuck, fuck over and ultimately fuck out anybody who dares to get in her way. She also has nicer boobs and wouldn't require having to wear a bag over her head during intercourse.
As the saying goes, religion is the last refuge for a scoundrel and as a peckerwood queen with a pedigree there is only one thing left for Harris to do:
Just shake those titties for Jesus baby!
To a woman who not only played a huge part in the greatest incident of electoral fraud in American history but who also personally carried the torch (as well as Florida strawberries and oranges) for George W. Bush, freezing her ass off in the run up to the New Hampshire primary and then being anointed as his Florida campaign co-chair a serious conflict of interest for a sitting Secretary of State whose oversight of elections is not supposed to be tainted by raw partisan politics. A much larger payback would be necessary in order to slake her insatiable thirst for power and glory. I am not going to go into the illicit activities of Harris during the 2000 election due to both it’s convoluted nature as well as a lack of space but strongly recommend John Nichols’ great little book Jews For Buchanan which documents the theft of the 2000 election and is as amusing as it is informative as well as the work of expatriate Greg Palast whose The Best Democracy Money Can Buy as well as his outstanding reports for the London Guardian are far superior to any of the bullshit coated mind rot that passes for investigative journalism in corporatist America.
Although the fact that Harris’ name recognition alone causes much nausea and revulsion over her association with the illegitimate ascension of King George and as a result has her consistently being outpolled by the incumbent who is a spineless jellyfish of a DLC moderate waffler named Bill Nelson, the American Jezebel just keeps relentlessly pushing onward. Harris' delusions of grandeur have caused much distress onboard the GOP Death Star and dark Sith lord Karl Rove and his minions have repeatedly tried to get her to take one for the team and yield the fight so as to install a less polarizing figure but Katrina refuses just like a disloyal dog biting the hand that has fed it for so long. Rove must be pulling out whatever few patches of hair remain on his pudgy, balding little head because no matter how badly that he wants Harris to give up the ghost to another, quite possibly royal brotherJeb Bush himself, so he can’t get too rough in handling her because after all, she knows where too many bodies are buried.
Harris is a huge liability to the GOP dream of iron fisted total rule in that she is the worst figure possible to run in a midterm election that typically elicits mass apathy and fears that she will torpedo the whole ticket are entirely justified. She is so loathed that her very presence on the ballot serves as a mobilizing factor that will juice turnout to counter the inevitable march of the anti-gay evangelical army who will be lured to the voting booths like starving rats to cheese by the presence of bigoted constitutional amendments banning gay marriage, gay adoption or any other incarnation of the red state tripe that sends them goose stepping en masse to wage their vendetta against the perceived evils of liberalism and the concept of an inclusive secular society. Katherine Harris is a turd in the punchbowl that could potentially spoil the victory celebrations and Rove knows it.
Despite getting smacked around by the media like a big ugly pinata over a plethora of reports that increasingly call into question her ethics (she has none) and connections to shady double dealers and dirty money influence pimps involving the disgraced and recently convicted former GOP Representative Randy 'Duke' Cunningham, aides quitting like rats jumping off a sinking ship and getting advice from longtime GOP strategist Ed Rollins to get out of the race Harris calls the engine room and issues orders that all boilers be fired up as the good ship Katrina steamed full ahead and directly towards the iceberg of a looming disaster. With her campaign circling the drain and plagued with scandal and rumors a "major announcement" was promised which of course was presumed by most to be her formal dropping out of the race, the ugly one executed a perfect flanking maneuver on critics and used an exclusive FOX appearance on Fister and Feckless aka Hannity and Colmes to combatively declare that"I'm staying. I'm in this race. I'm going to win... I'm going to put everything on the line."
It was Harris' MacArthur moment, she had returned! It was on the same asinine opinion show that Cruella became an object of much scorn for the camera angles that prominently displayed her breasts (twin miracles of medical science?) which are a nice enough set of gobdobblers to draw attention away from her face. The Daily Show's Jason Jones provided a great comment in saying that "Harris is clearly banking her senate campaign on two things - her spectacular breasts." She is also reportedly set to pump up to ten million dollars of her own money into her campaign that is rapidly descending into the abyss of the most vile although successful of all Republican tactics by harnassing the power of the dark side of the Christianity force that is the rabid evangelical fundamentalist movement but more on that later. Florida Governor and likely Katrina replacement Jeb Bush played coy when asked about the Harris appearance on Dumb & Dumber saying that he didn't have it on and was watching the Doris Day-Rock Hudson flick Pillow Talk (how appropriate) which he referred to as a "fantastic movie, great movie, a classic" instead of the exclusive FOX appearance by his consort and co-conspirator.
Despite her crying the poormouth about investing her own money in pursuit of the coveted Senate seat, Harris' financial splurge will barely put any sort of noticeable dent in her overall wealth, she is an heiress and her hubby is also rich. Harris is a textbook example of white trash that is born into money, the granddaughter of legendary cattle and citrus barron Ben Hill Griffin a man so hallowed by the crackers who are longtime Floridians that he has had the ultimate honor bestowed upon him, the University of Florida Gators football stadium is named after him although more widely known by it's nickname the swamp by sports fans and pundits. Harris much like the Bush brothers was a big time winner in the game of life lottery by being born into affluence but money can't buy class and that is something that Harris will never own, Jed Clampett may have been able to strike black gold and pack up the clan to move to Beverly Hills but they were never able to divest themselves of their innate peckerwood traits and neither can Harris. She has a long history of sleazy behavior including parlaying her influence into the graft that allowed her to launch her political career and fund the dirty tactics that essentially make her a Karl Rove in drag to her excessive foreign excursions on the taxpayer dole to ostensibly promote Florida tourism. Harris is a ruthless, conniving Machiavellian power bitch who at times makes even Hillary Clinton look like an amateur.
Pride goeth before a fall as the proverb goes and Harris is inevitably doomed to face some serious backlash come November barring of course an electronic voting machine induced miracle; but then Florida, the ass backwards swamp of corruption is the place for election day miracles as if anything else could ever be expected from a state that has become the very embodiment of the American nightmare and is as well deserving as is geographically located to be affixed with the label of the diseased penis of America. It is in Florida that O.J. Simpson himself has sought refuge from his loss in the civil suit over the killing of the unfortunate waiter Ron Goldman and his estranged coke slut wife Nicole and The Juice is now spending much of his time combing the golf courses of the southern portion of the Sunshine State in his avowed search for the ‘real killers’. It is in Florida that the system has been so rigged by Harris and her slimy GOP accomplices and corporate stooges in the state legislature that insurance lobbyists are allowed to write the laws screwing homeowners to the extent that many are forced to sell due to massive increases in the costs of coverage because of the affront to free market capitalism that would result by having these state sanctioned thieves actually have to pay out money (therefore diminishing the golden calf of shareholder profits) to consumers who have been gouged for years and legally compelled to purchase their snake oil. Yes, Harris is a perfect fit in Florida and my personal favorite career moment of hers was the day in 2004 when a disgruntled voter named Barry Seltzer, who is horror of horrors a registered Democrat took a run at her with his silver Cadillac during a campaign appearance and putting the real fear of God into her. He later told police that "I was exercising my political expression." I wonder if Barry is out of jail yet, I am sure that many others with a similar 'political expression' would absolutely love to buy him a beer including the author of this blog.
It is in Florida that so called ‘religious’ bigots as well as the normal racist contingent will have every incentive to goosestep to the polls come November with the inclusion of an anti- gay marriage amendment on the ballot at the expense of a fairness in redistricting initiative that not surprisingly was scuttled by the ruling Republican majority, a group who proudly live down to the standards of their famous role model who is MSNBC right wing pundit Joe Scarborough, the former congressman in whose office was found the dead body of an intern but who is fully deserving of conservative accolades for have never being caught on record of denying receiving a blowjob from one. Florida, the personal fiefdom of the next in the line of secession for America's royal dynasty Jeb Bush has become the biggest freak show in the country providing the media distraction machine with not only the Terri Schiavo epic but also with more than enough scandal, smut, child killers, pederasts and corrupt politicians that such tawdry swill should be the state's top export commodity. Harris fits Florida perfectly in that she is first and foremost a freak with a tendency for wearing more pancake makeup than Michael Jackson and an unstable paranoiac badly in need of therapy for accusing the evil liberal media of doctoring photos that manage to expose her garish, Gouda cheese complected visage in all of its hideous, needle-nosed repulsiveness. Harris’ makeup is so bad at times that she often resembles the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz in the two seconds immediately following the bucket of water being thrown on her as her face slowly turns to tallow before melting completely into a steaming pool of ugly goo.
Now as the negative publicity and problems mount Harris has turned to that old time religion by casting her lot with the same ignorant peckerwood evangelical fanatics who only a year ago turned the Schiavo family tragedy into their own personal circus of slime only about a hundred miles to the north of Sarasota where Harris resides and in an interesting tidbit of trivia is also the same sleepy west-central Florida city where Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman was caught masturbating in an adult theatre some years back which pretty much immediately ended his career. Harris has been a whirling dervish of devotionals and biblical dissemination in the last week as more of her staff prepares to make their exodus from the Sodom and Gommorah of her campaign, some reportedly are derisively referring to her pandering to the most loathsome elements of society who pimp their pagan idolatry masquerading as Christianity as leading a ‘Christian Crusade’ as they likely begin to network and circulate their resumes seeking to bolt for more promising long term prospects much like fleas leaping from the mangy fur of a diseased dog. The big problem with deathbed conversions is that while it is easy to fool the simple minded yahoos God himself being omnipotent always instantly recognizes bullshit when he sees it.
How many elections did Jesus help steal?
While making a campaign appearance in front of the sweaty, for the most part functionally illiterate fundie masses at a two day theocratic regressive pep rally called Reclaiming America for Christ at the notoriously Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church in Fort Lauderdale ( where the fanatical D. James Kennedy regularly holds his black masses of bigotry and intolerance that preach for the over throw of the United States government) Harris proclaimed that in addition to GOD himself that her greatest influences were the movies The Last of The Mohicans and the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Then in full Elmer Gantry mode she worked the crowd with the bread and butter hooey and hokum that has so served the Bush administration that God wanted her to be in public service to the thunderous cheers of the sodbusting, rapture bound clodhoppers who had gathered for the gala appearance of yet another of the chosen ones of the Tribulation Force. The movie references were amusing but there are some far more appropriate flicks that more accurately resemble the Harris character that has essentially become a gross parody of herself although she does in fact bear at least a passing resemblance to one of the Orks from second Lord of the Rings episode: The Two Towers.
1: Fatal Attraction-Glenn Close's fierce portrayal of the crazed jilted lover who stalks and terrorizes Michael Douglas and his family after an affair gone badly awry proving that indeed Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..boiled any rabbits lately Katie?
2: Body Heat-Although calculating and relentlessly determined, Kathleen Turner had a much nicer set of knockers and a face that didn’t make doing it doggie style a necessity for a satisfying sexual experience.
3: The Last Seduction-Linda Fiorentino's Wendy Kroy is a ruthless, cold blooded femme fatale for the ages determined to manipulate, kill, fuck, fuck over and ultimately fuck out anybody who dares to get in her way. She also has nicer boobs and wouldn't require having to wear a bag over her head during intercourse.
As the saying goes, religion is the last refuge for a scoundrel and as a peckerwood queen with a pedigree there is only one thing left for Harris to do:
Just shake those titties for Jesus baby!
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